Anderson Cooper “officially” came out today. There have
definitely been rumors of him being gay for as long as I’ve known about him and
he hasn’t said anything to confirm or deny it- until now.
I can relate to that. When someone would ask me if I were
gay, I would deflect the question and change the subject or just flat out deny
it. It was easier that way because they were asked so confrontationally and
mockingly. How can I explain to others that part of me which I didn’t
understand myself?
I still don’t, which is my fault. For one thing, I’ve
tried not to think about it because maybe that way it wouldn’t be an issue.
Look how well that turned out! I justified this repression by saying it wasn’t anyone’s
business yet the more I ignored it the more of an issue it became- at least,
for me
I also thought that there’d be this magical handbook that
would help me navigate this new landscape I’ve found myself in. Even if there
was, I doubt it would have helped me much since apparently I have the tendency
to get lost!
“I will live the most authentic and best life possible
that is honest and respectful of myself and others.” That may seem familiar to
some of the readers of this blog since I’ve shared it before as one of my core
goals to base my actions on. Maybe I just wanted another item to check off my
Life List but I figured it was time to just be proactive about it and address
the fact that I am a gay male so I can focus on that and other things.
I am gay. That may be the least surprising news you’ll
ever hear in your life but I am. One of the things that worried me about coming
out was suddenly people will think differently of me, that they’ll have me
figured out based on stereotypes and clichés of what gay means to them. There
may have been signs- um, hello, my Mariah Carey collection- but I don’t think it’s
fair to lump people into a category based on things like that. I’ll admit I do
that too, which probably made it even harder for me to come to terms with this
part of me. Growing up, the majority of what I saw in the media were gay
guys who were flamboyant and liked to wear women’s clothes. While that’s fine
for them, it’s not who I am.
Straight people don’t go declaring their heterosexuality
so I probably didn’t have to write this post. But it was necessary and
important for me to do so. I still don’t have any more answers than I did
before. I’m still not comfortable talking about this in public, in person. It
is at least a step in the right direction towards that “most authentic and best
life possible” I envision for myself- and others.